He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
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I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
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Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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