What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
