If that was your dad, he is hot
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
