She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
