This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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