have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
