Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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