So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
