when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize