How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
