Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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