Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
