I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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