AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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