It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
