she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
