my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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