Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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