i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
