I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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