Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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