On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Tornado booty call.. dedication
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
