Dual....:-)
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
