she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
is it fun? or sober?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
