My room smells like vodka and shame
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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