This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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