I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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