Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
