My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
