I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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