maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
