I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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