i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
