fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Drunk is a universal language darling
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
