K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think I won the penis lottery.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
