where am i from again
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
