i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
