I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
