Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
