I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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