I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
