Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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