She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
