i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
