Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
