i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
