dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
