haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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