does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
