And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
