he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
