Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
