I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
