Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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