I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
