bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
