he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
