Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
