I wish i was in the wii world.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
