Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
