Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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