The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize