so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
