textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
