Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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