he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
