Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
