that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
