you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
