RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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