i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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