the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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