I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
