he wants to bone in the snuggie
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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