Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
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driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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