Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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