i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
