I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
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Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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