I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
