You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
