Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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