Three words: puerto rican gang bang
wanna go halves on a baby?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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